This is a guest post by Rey Gigante from Body|Mind Connection with Rey Somatics: Rey (she/they) is a certified integrative trauma-informed practitioner and is certified in Biodynamic Breathwork Trauma Release System (BBTRS®). She was a tenured professor before leaving her academic career to pursue somatic work full time. Rey brings years of experience as a researcher and educator to her work as a somatic practitioner, and their mission is to make somatics more accessible to the LGBTQIA2S+ community and allies.
It’s in the quiet stillness that the thoughts we’ve been avoiding feel safe to come up. As soon as they do, the inner critic swoops in to play it’s well-rehearsed role: it tells us we’re lazy, worthless, self-centered, and a bunch of other mean things to get us up and doing things again. The inner critic is mean, yes, but it’s also serving a much deeper purpose.
At one point in your life, the inner critic was a necessity to keep you safe. Now, that you’re an adult, it’s not needed as much, but it’s still hovering around, ready to spring into action.
It’s in periods of rest that we discover what we truly need, but this could threaten our status quo.
The truth is that your inner critic is trying to protect a part of you that it thinks can’t handle your current reality. By swooping in with insults to get you up and moving again, what it’s really doing is keeping you from discovering a sad, small part of you that is hurting and needs attention.
If we let this sad part speak, we discover what we truly need, but this information could feel scary, frustrating, impossible, or even dangerous.
And if we aren’t ready to hear this information, we find ways to push it back down again. Doom scrolling, working, numbing out, throwing ourselves into hobbies, tending to someone else’s needs instead. Does this resonate?
The next time your inner critic arrives to “save the day,” try this out:
I recommend to my clients that they give their inner critic a persona, or an image. The sillier the better. For example, it might be a fuzzy little gremlin wearing a crooked green cape that he just rushed to put on to come save you. Maybe your inner critic is a tiny, cranky lady with statement glasses and blue hair.
Creating a persona for your inner critic takes some of the sting out of their admonishments when they come barging in. Give them a warm greeting: “Oh hi there Gladys! Thanks for showing up and trying to protect me. I think I’ve got it handled, though, so feel free to go on break.”
After your inner critic steps aside, and your sad part shows up when you want to rest, try this:
1.Acknowledge whatever information comes up that feels scary or threatening. You could even say, “I see you.” Remember this: just because you acknowledge it doesn’t mean you have to take any action!
2.Try to notice what it feels like in your body. I’m including an image below with language to help you describe felt sensations.
3.Set a timer for 30 seconds and sit with the sensations, breathing into them, extending your exhales so that they’re longer than your inhales. Just 30 seconds. That’s it.
Try this exercise any time you want to rest but can’t relax. Consider increasing your time incrementally: 45 seconds, 60 seconds, and so on, until you adapt to the feeling of discomfort and increase your ability to tolerate it.
This process takes a lot of practice, but it is possible, so don’t lose hope! One of the great things about Breathwork is that it lowers the activity in the parts of your brain responsible for rumination and inner chatter. Meaning: we can access the hurting, sad part of you without having to run through the inner critic’s gauntlet. And then we can soothe the sad part and let you find some peace.
Want to work with Rey? Here are a few ways she can help you:
1.Join a queer community breathwork session (virtual, allies also welcome): Meets the first Wednesday of every month, 6:00-7:15 pm (US-Eastern Time). More info here.
2. Individual Sessions (virtual): This is for you if you’re looking for a more personalized approach to deepen and accelerate your healing process. Fill out this application form.
3. Professional Events & Workshops: Topics include (but aren’t limited to): nervous system regulation, co-regulation, stress management, aligning mission with values, and balancing focus and rest. Fill out this application form to provide some information about your team and goals.
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